My Response to the new kids book: Help! Mom! There are Liberals Under My Bed
Daddy! Daddy! Conservatives Ate My Ice cream!
Little Colt and his daddy lived together in a small but nice apartment in the city. Little Colt's daddy worked for a big manufacturing company, and made enough money to buy little Colt a few toys, food, clothing, pay the bills and sometimes they would go to the movies or go bowling and always, always they would have ice cream on Friday night. Little Colt loved his daddy and thought he had the bestest life of any little boy around.
One day Little Colt's daddy got a pink slip of paper from his job. The pink slip of paper said that daddy could no longer work at the manufacturing place because the company wanted to pay their workers less money for more work, so they were moving the company to a great big country, way across the ocean. Little Colt's daddy was very sad that evening when he came home. He explained to Little Colt that Conservatives who were running the country right now, believed more in companies making lots and lots of money, than in a worker like himself who only wanted to buy his little boy some ice cream. Little Colt’s daddy told him about a time a few years ago when liberals ran the country and times were very good for daddies like him who had only graduated from high school. You see Little Colt, "After conservatives took away my overtime pay, busted my union, and let my company turn my retirement over to a government run program, I had to move us here to this little apartment, which is nice and we love, but we used to have a house and a big yard. I had so hoped to be able to get that for you again, but now I will have no job."
Little Colt wanted to cheer his daddy up, so he said, "That's alright daddy, you will get another job and I love living here and we will always, always have ice cream on Friday night. I love you daddy, you are the bestest daddy of any daddy I know." Little Colt's daddy smiled at that and shook his head and said, "You are right Little Colt, we will be just fine."
Little Colt's daddy knew a place where workers go to get money while they are looking for a job (Liberals had created this place many, many years ago), he went there but the money was not anything like he had been making in the big manufacturing place, but at least it was something. "Little Colt," said Daddy, "we will not be able to buy toys, or go to the movies or go bowling for awhile but we will always always, have ice cream on Friday, I will promise you that." Little Colt was just happy to have such a good daddy and such a nice apartment and always always to have ice cream on Friday night, he didn't care about anything else.
Little Colt's daddy looked and looked for a job. One day the place where workers go to get money while they are looking for a job told Little Colt's daddy the money was all used up and he could not come there anymore. Little Colt's daddy looked very sad again that night. "Little Colt, daddy said, I cannot get anymore money from the place that workers go to get money while they are looking for a job, now we will not be able to pay our bills." "I know another place where people can go to get food when they have no money and a place to go that will help pay the rent on our apartment, and that, daddy explained to little Colt, was only because Liberals used to run the country and they believed in helping people like them who were down on their luck, and so had created these programs." "Little Colt," daddy said, we will have a roof over our heads and we will always always have ice cream on Friday night, but I cannot pay my bills." "Why, Daddy?” asked little Colt. Daddy explained to Little Colt, "In the days when liberals ran the country there used to be a way for people who could not find jobs, to not have to pay their bills, but conservatives took that away, so now we may have to give back our furniture and car." That's ok daddy,” said little Colt, “you are the best daddy in the world and as long as we have each other and always, always have ice cream on Friday night, I'm the happiest little boy anywhere!"
One day a big truck came to Little Colt's apartment and took away all the furniture and a few days later a tow truck came and took away his daddy's car. Now daddy couldn't go look for a job because he had no car. "Little Colt," Daddy said, "I have no car and I cannot go to the place that gives people food when they have no money because it is far, far away, much too far to walk, and I do not have money for the bus or a taxi cab." “We cannot have ice cream on Friday night." In anger Daddy said, I bet those rich conservatives will be eating lots of ice cream on Friday night, and then his face softened and he said "I'm sorry Little Colt I should never have said anything like that." This was the saddest Little Colt had ever seen his daddy look. "Don't worry daddy, we don't need ice cream this Friday, I'm just happy to have a daddy like you." But Little Colt's daddy did not smile this time he just looked sadder and Little Colt saw a tear drip from his daddy's eye.
"Daddy," said Little Colt, don't be sad, you are the bestest daddy in the world and I know you will think of something, but I want you to know that when I grow up, I am going to be a liberal, and I am going to help everyone like us. I will never let a conservative eat a little boy’s ice cream and make his daddy cry." Little Colt's daddy smiled at that and said "Little Colt you are right we will be just fine, and you will be the bestest liberal around when you grow up."
And so it happened that Little Colt's Daddy found a job that was right down the street, he would flip hamburgers all day and make enough money to pay the rent and put food on the table and they would always always have ice cream on Friday night after that. When he eventually saved enough money to buy a car he got hired by a large retail store. He still wasn't making as much as the big manufacturing place, but if he flipped burgers all day and worked at the retail store at night, they could now buy a few toys for Little Colt, food, clothing, pay the bills and sometimes they would go to the movies or go bowling and always always they would have ice cream on Friday night.
Daddy always looked tired, but he smiled again everyday. This made little Colt happy and he knew his dreams would be to change his country back to the way it was when his daddy owned the house with the big yard and could smile without being so tired. He vowed to take every liberal value he had in his body to make sure no family had to go through what he and his daddy had, had to go through. And when he grew up he did just that.